Harry Kewell

Harry Kewell’s announcement this week that he will retire from professional football has triggered tributes from the greats of the game in Australia and around the world.

As he trudged off the ground, spent, he wondered, "Will I ever get that bloody Boney M song out of my head?"

As he trudged off the ground, spent, he wondered, “Will I ever get that bloody Boney M song out of my head?”

Roy Hay, one of the greats of Australian football writing, has written about Kewell’s career. Social media (a lazy term for psychopaths who have internet access) has had its say. It is time, then, to turn to some of the little-known and probably untrue facts about Harry Kewell:

  • Harry can look at the tattoos on his back. Without using a mirror.
  • Harry once had a part in Emmerdale, where he played an itinerant vet who, by a quirk of fate, was an expert in telling fortunes based on the entrails of dead sheep.
  • When Harry honks his car horn it plays “La Cucaracha”.
  • Harry can’t stand Boney M.
  • He invented the trend of pulling football socks over the knees, but abandoned it in 1990 to work on his mullet.
  • The English FA tried to convince Harry to pledge allegiance to Engerlund by offering him a title and a seat in the House of Lords.
  • Harry tells fart jokes at half time.
  • Three books have been written about Harry that don’t use the letter “o”.

Photo courtesy of Keith McInnes Photography.