The curse of the onesie

In Australian Rules Football, if you wear your club’s jumper to the game and you’re over 14 then you leave yourself open to mockery.

Wearing your club’s shirt to the game in association football does not suffer the same stigma. Well, unless you wear the club shorts as well. And club socks. And maybe goalkeeping gloves.

But what if you want to go a step further? What if you want to make sure that your entire body was covered in, say, bright green and yellow gold? What if you think buttons are passé? What if you like hooded tops but don’t want to risk being hip or fashionable?

Good news! The FFA has now launched the Socceroos Onesie.

The latest branded abomination to hit our shores.

The latest branded abomination to hit our shores.

The onesie, that unfathomable eyesore masquerading as comfort-meets-fashion-meets-irony.

“Onesies are so 2012,” said one TWL contributor. “Where’s the button-up butt flap?” asked another contributor, presumably referring to the, er, access hatch.

So, are these Socceroos onesies the work of the devil or a cunning scheme by crafty ophthalmologists to drum up business? (Admit it, your eyes hurt just looking at that ad.)

The Socceroos Onesie comes in many sizes, including XXXL. Think about that. And they cost just $89.95 each. That’s a lot of Cherry Ripes.

If you want to see where football onesies could end up, just type “Kigurumi” into your favourite internet search engine and hope for the best.