Havana Brown, Sheppard and the Asian Cup

There is only one thing more Australian than terrible pre-match entertainment, and that is complaining about the pre-match entertainment.

Did the Asian Cup organisers ask the A-League to run dead when organising the A-League Grand Final entertainment so that the Asian Cup Opening Ceremony wouldn’t seem so bad? Jason Derulo wearing a half-and-half WSW-Roar strip – from there, the only way was up.

The Asian Cup Opening Ceremony in Melbourne will be 11 minutes long. Organisers are to be congratulated for at least keeping it brief.

The ceremony will feature 80 children from local junior football clubs taking turns to kick the Asian Cup mascot.

Let’s assume each kid gets 5 seconds to kick the leery wombat mascot. That’s 400 seconds (all things going smoothly) which equates 6m40s, leaving 4m20s for the two headline acts, Havana Brown and Sheppard!

If you’re reaction to that last statement was “Who?”, then here’s what you need to know:

Idiot’s Guide To Havana Brown:

  • She is not a breed of cat.
  • She did that song you hear at the gym all the time.
  • She usually appears half naked in her music videos.
  • She once recorded a remix with Pitbull. He was wearing white trousers. (How many pairs of white trousers does that man own?)
  • She isn’t related to former Hull City manager Phil Brown.
  • Her stage name was inspired by Cork nightclub Havana Brown’s.
Seen here without a pit bull

Seen here without a pit bull

This is Havana Brown. Meanwhile, the bloke in the background is trying to poke his eye out. Make of that what you will.

This is Havana Brown.
Meanwhile, the bloke in the background is trying to poke his eye out.
Make of that what you will.

Idiot’s Guide To Sheppard

  • Recorded that “Geronimo” song. And therefore deserve to die.
This is the photo we gave the hit man. We hope he doesn't rub out the Mavis's by mistake.

This is the photo we gave the hit man. We hope he doesn’t rub out the Mavis’s by mistake.