SHOCK: Poznan shown on TV

Photo by Keith McInnes

Photo by Keith McInnes

The Sydney Derby is on tonight. It’ll be one of only three meetings this season between the two teams this season. Well, there might be one more if they both end up in the finals. Anyway, occasions like this only come along three or more times a season, so savour every moment of it!

Imagine if a third Sydney team joins the league. It’ll be just like the NSL – low crowds, and almost every game played in NSW.

Has a Western Sydney game ever been telecast without the broadcaster cutting to Wanderers fans performing (if that’s the right word) the Poznan? An Asian Champions League match perhaps?

On Australian television, you can guarantee that at some point between 80:00 and 80:59 of any Western Sydney match, home or away, the director will cut to a shot of fans in red and black jumping up and down with their backs to the pitch.

And, almost every time, the commentator will see fit to tell us what we’re watching. Seriously. We know what we’re watching. Take a leaf out of Richie Benaud’s book. There’s a reason why he was one of the greatest cricket commentators ever. Hint: it’s because he didn’t point out the bleeding obvious.

Another certainty with television coverage of the A-League is those torturous player interviews as the teams head to the change rooms at half time. Has a player ever given an insight into what happened in the first half? Or what might happen in the second half? Or just how many naughty words the coach will use at half-time?

The best we can hope for is that the player has a momentary lapse, forgets all his media training and tells the world what he thinks of the refereeing.

And what’s the deal with the face-off before the derby? It’s not a weigh-in for a friggin’ boxing match! They play each other (at least) THREE TIMES EACH SEASON. What’s next, Wellington Phoenix doing the haka? That’ll work just beautifully.

But whinging is all well and good – hell, we Australians even give the English a run for their money in that department these days – but here at Thin White Line he like to make suggestions. Like where to jam it.

Here are some suggestions to make the television coverage of the A-League better:

MuscatCam

What’s better than watching Melbourne Victory lose to Newcastle United? Watching Kevin Muscat lose it with the fourth official for 90 minutes.

FoxSports subscribers can simply punch the red button on their remote and choose MuscatCam. Includes lots of fruity language.

The FoxSports director is thrown from the blimp for cutting to the Poznan.

The FoxSports director is thrown from the blimp for cutting to the Poznan.

BlimpCam

Bring back the blimp! What could be better than a branded blimp floating over the stadium, beaming pictures back to the viewers vegetating on the sofa?

It would be great for Tactics Nerds. They can imagine that they’re analysing the two teams’ structures and so on and so forth.

SecurityGuardCam

See what the security guards see! Get up close and personal as they punch manhandle politely request patrons to leave the stands. Laugh when there’s ten of them guarding 16 away supporters. Go behind the scenes as they swap their supervisor’s Earl Grey teabags for English Breakfast.

SeagullCam

Teenage lore told of how feeding soluble aspirin tablets to seagulls would result in them exploding in mid-air.

The highlight of any A-League match played in Melbourne is guessing when a flock of seagulls will settle on the pitch. Usually on the wing.

Let’s take this to the next level, and attach a camera to a seagull. Sure, it could end up going to the tip, or down to Port Melbourne to scavenge hand-made craft chips, but that has to be better than an interview with a player as he trudges off the field to be yelled at by Kevin Muscat.

DeBohunCam

See the game from the league CEO’s perspective.